Open your eyes
by Htress
Summary: Cloud can't accept a certain fact about himself... Angsty


Disclaimer

Htress

hress@jenovaproject.com

Open your eyes

All started by an ordinary day for everyone at the Shin-ra academy… Well for everyone but Cloud. He was going to see his hero today, he was going to see Sephiroth… His friend, Zack, first class SOLDIER, would be here too… So he was very excited, and didn't even noticed the Black Raven Gang until it was too late…

- So here's our fav fag…

All started by an ordinary day for everyone, but for Cloud it was the beginning of his hell…

- So the drag queen haven't been bedded yet?

- Stupid faggot!

- Useless bitch! Those like you shouldn't be living anyway!

Cloud absorbed all insults and blows without retaliating, not even screaming until a rough kick in his stomach made him cry out. _Make him stop… Please make him stop… Is it that wrong? Am I… a monster? Anything… I'll give anything to stop that pain! Anybody… Zack…_

- You're nothing more than a whore!

- Yeah, a fucking and suckling bitch!

The leader of the gang smirked and kicked again, this time breaking something and the blond blacked out.

******

- He'll wait for us in the hall next to the library, you'll like him, you'll…

The two SOLDIERS stopped before the dreadful show displayed before them; at least five other students were battling a small blond boy now unconscious on the floor. The General and his second unsheathed their swords. It wasn't long and all the students were arrested by the Great Sephiroth himself. Zack crouched near his fallen friend, slapping him gently to wake him up. Cloud slowly regained his senses.

- You're safe now… Just don't move, 'k? Cloud? You're hearing me?

Cloud nodded. His whole body ached, but his stomach was the worse spot of all._ Let me die, just finish me already… please…_ Suddenly he was shaken by a sharp wave of pain and he tried to curl into a tight ball, but Sephiroth stopped him to do so, by applying some pressure on his stomach. The boy cried out, blood flowing from his mouth and nose.__

- Internal haemorrhage… Zack take him to Hojo, now!

- Save troubles… Too weak to live, just let me die… _I'm too weak… not worthy of you… just let me fall into blackness again…_

- Cloud!?!

- Kyahahaha!!! Yeah! Die you stupid fag!

_So alone… cold… 'm dying… at least I saw you before going…_ Cloud trembled in Zack's arms and fainted. The leader of the Black Raven Gang was silenced by a swift movement of the Masamune that came resting on the hollow of his throat. The General narrowed his eyes and the bully retreated and shut up. Zack didn't waste a second and cradled Cloud in his arms, running as fast as he could to reach the lab on time.

*******

*bip… bip… bip… bip…*

Zack looked at his friend pitifully and mouthed 'I'm sorry' before covering him up and leave. Three days and he still haven't woke up. He was about to pass the door of the lab when the last person he expected to see appeared.

- Sir…

- Leave the formalities for later… how is our friend?

- He's not awake…

- Zack… Take the day off.

Zack wearily saluted and left. The General made sure nobody was looking at him and he passed through the curtains that were hiding Cloud's bed. He fastened something to his wrist and left as quickly as he had come, not noticing that the blond had his blue eyes wide open._ Why? Why am I still alive? And why do you care about a monster like me?_ He looked the thin silver bracelet that shimmered in the faint light. _No… you don't care about me… you marked me… Why? Am I such a monster that I can't die…? Haven't I suffered enough?_

******

Few days later.

Cloud corked open the lid of the bottle and swallowed the content in one gulp. _I wanna go back… to nowhere… where there is no pain, no one but me… blackness… _About ten minutes later Zack burst into the dorm they shared since he woke up from his coma. Quickly the black haired man had noticed the change in his friend's behaviour. Cloud was darker and angsty… Fearing for his friend, Zack went out to speak with Sephiroth, who was amazed that he left the boy alone…

- Cloud? Are you all right?

The blond reared back in confusion when he caught a glimpse of Sephiroth right behind his friend. _Why? Why are you still here? To watch me die? Wasn't it enough you marked me so the others could point me out? You want to watch me die?_

- Z-Zack? I-I… Farewell…, was all he was able to slur before the pills kicked in.

- Cloud!

Zack rushed to his friend as his legs gave up under him, the small bottle rolling on the floor. Sephiroth looked at the label and paled; the boy had just downed a full bottle of sleeping pills.

- Zack, we have no time to lose! We must make him throw up those pills before it's too late!

So they dragged him to the bathroom…

******

Zack walked through the mess hall aimlessly, looking for an available spot to eat. One of his friend, Jayson, waved at him and he sat down, picking at his food. Brian, Andy, Lunok and Kimo looked at him strangely, he hadn't say a word, and God only knows Zack loved to get all the attention. Jayson patted his back.

- Hey what's wrong? And I don't see your friend, what's his name again?

- Cloud, Kimo answered.

- Yeah, Cloud. So, is it that flower girl that's bothering you?

- Jay… Can we go to your dorm? I can't keep this anymore…

The tone of Zack's voice was enough to tell Jayson it was very important. They hadn't closed the door that Zack was crying his eyes out. The brunette hurriedly pulled him toward the bed where the raven-haired man collapsed on his friend.

- Zack! Zack! What's wrong… What happened to you?

- It's Cloud!

- You had a crush on him and he turned you out?

- Nooooooooo!!!

- Then what…

- He attempted suicide! Two days ago! God he could have died right into my arms! And I don't know why!!! Jay! If Seph haven't been there… Oh God! I don't want to think about it!!!

Jayson leaned hugged friendly Zack while he cried.

- It's all right, I'm here… You should have come sooner, Zack… Don't hold back anything, let it go… After you calm down, you'll tell me the whole story. I'm so sorry…

******

Cloud groaned and rolled over. Sephiroth opened his eyes and covered him back. He had taken him into his quarters, he had sensed something in the boy that was frightening him. Zack was over passed by the events, Cloud, his friend, so usually and fundamentally happy, was smashed by something, so deeply smashed he tried to kill himself. He let Sephiroth take him to his quarters, if someone could pull out answers from the blond, it was the General. Cloud had a great esteem of his idol and Zack was sure he'd do anything to please him. Sephiroth shook him a little and, finally, those blue eyes of his opened.

- How can it be?, he croaked, Why am I still alive? Let me be nothing… I'm a monster… let me die… just let me die… I don't want to feel the pain anymore…

The blond curled into a tight ball on the bed and his body shook from the broken sobs his soul was letting go… Sephiroth reached for him and pulled him on his lap, wrapping his arms around the boy, who mentally exhausted, had no energy left to fight. After few minutes he was clinging to his jacket while the General rocked him on his chair.

- Shhhh… Cloud… What is hurting you? Please, tell me…

- Noooo… You'll hate me…

- It's something that the guys who beat you told you no?

Cloud nodded.

- So you're really attracted to men?

Another nod.

- Let me guess… They spread the rumour and now nobody wants to talk to you?

- No… It's because… Sir… if I tell you, you won't…

- Hate you? Never…

- It's because… they discovered… that I-I… I love you, sir…

Sephiroth looked at Cloud with tender eyes.

- So it was you… Every time I trained in the gym, you followed me everywhere… Cloud, do you realized you could have came out when I called and tell me all this? You hurt yourself for nothing…

- But I can't love you!, Cloud protested, You're great, famous, strong and all… I'm nothing more than a guard, not even a third class SOLDIER… I'm weak and afraid of everything… And I love a man… I'm a monster…

The General cupped the tear stained face with his delicate fingers.

- Who do you think gave you this bracelet? Do you think I would give it to a monster? Do you even know what it means? It means that you're now a member of my private army. It means that I care about you as a friend, that I want you around… I sensed in you a great distress, I thought you'd came back to me after your recovery to give it back and I could have helped you then… Cloud, do you understand?

- I-I think…

- And do you know that you are the first one to ever tell me 'I love you' and to mean it? I don't care if you're a guard or a first class SOLDIER, I don't care about my glory or strength… Cloud, when I saw you beaten and hurt in the hall, it took everything in me not to kill the bastards right there. I don't like people who doesn't tolerate my lifestyle…

- Y-you mean you're…

- Yes I am… Don't be afraid anymore, Cloud, accept yourself, have a little faith in you. Don't let anything or anybody get to you… Follow your heart wherever it leads you, because it's always right. It leaded you to me… 

Cloud buried his face into the soft silver hair, tears still flowing from his eyes, but deep inside of him was now a tiny spark of hope, that maybe he could be happy with this. _Not alone… You cared for me, after all…_ And slowly, reassured by a steady heartbeat, he tightened his grip on Sephiroth's shirt and fell asleep again.

*******

- Zack… Zack… Wake up!

- Unng…

- Sephiroth wants to see you in his quarters…

The black haired man jumped off his friend's bed, thanking him for the help. He ran all the way up to the General's quarters. He knocked on the door.

- Come in!

Zack literally threw himself on Cloud, hugging him tightly as if his life depended on it.

- Thanks the Gods up there you're all right… I was afraid the next time I'll see  you would be to carry you to the cemetery… Why didn't you talk to me? Wait… Don't answer, I don't care… just tell me you're fine and that you'll never do it again… Please?

- Zack… I'm not fine… yet… but I promise you I'll never do it again. Forgive me…

- Where is Seph?

- In the kitchen…

Indeed Sephiroth was in the kitchen cooking breakfast for three. They ate all together, listening to the incessant babbling of Zack about everything and anything.

- So you two are together now?

Sephiroth proudly nodded as Cloud turned totally crimson.

- Nooo… I can't believe it… You are /with/ Cloud! Who'd have thought you'd fall for a /blond/… I gotta go see Tseng, Jayson, Trevor and Allan to tell the news! The General has finally get himself captured!

And with that he bolted off.

- Isn't it a bad thing? Asked Cloud nervously.

- No. Those people are my private army… When I am going out for a mission at least one of them is always with me, just in case I might have a down or feeling bad. I know I can rely on them. Shinra wouldn't tolerate if I was to break down in public, but I'm just human, sometimes me too can't take no more. Hojo would kill me if he'd know. So, what do you want to do today?

Cloud got up and let himself being held, tears of joy staining his face. Sephiroth gently kissed them away, rubbing his back to comfort him._ Never again… I am different and happy… not alone… Will you teach me how to live?_

End

Author's note

What do you think of this one? I was feeling rather angsty, lately… I am glad I could borrow my friend's computer to give you back some news, anyway…


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